My reply:

The photo was taken by Rose Dell, sans costume, with her cell phone in her and her mom’s restaurant, Coco’s Kitchen, on Big Pine Key. Coco is Rose’s mom.

 

Not long after I moved back to Little Torch Key, a few minutes drive below Big Pine, in March 2010, and it got out on the Coconut Telegraph that I was dining often at Coco’s while I was banging the folks on No Name Key who had moved out there knowing there were noo public utilities, then they had started howling about how their constitutional rights were being violated by everyone but them, one of the hypocrites labeled Rose my wench and Alicia Putney, the No Name resident who leads the resistance to the hypocrites’ efforts, was tagged as my witch. I felt in excellent company, as Rose was the firebrand on the Aqueduct Authority Board, the voice of sanity, the voice of ethics, the voice of God, as far as I was concerned, and Alica was the voice of Mother Nature. So you see where I just relegated the hypocrites on No Name Key, who bought cheap, because there were no utilities out there, and tried to profit from it, by claiming they were being abused by everyone but themselves.

 

In sum, I have critics on the Coconut Telegraph who hate my guts. Critics not confined just to No Name Key by any means. I once offered to meet them anywhere they designated. They could bring anyone they wanted, any weapons they desired. I would come alone, bare-handed, with the angels. No takers. I invited them to state their real names on they CT, as they all used nome de plumes. They declined. I invited Deer Ed to out them and anyone who attacked a CT reader. He declined. I called them cowards, they did not deny it. I called Deer Ed, an aider and abettor of cowards, he did not deny it. I accused him of doing it because he knew, if he outed them, or quit publishing attacks on CT readers and contributors, he would have less CT readers and his advertisers would not want to pay him as much for the ads they had on the CT. Ed did not deny it. All the while, behind the scenes, he kept egging me on, encouraging to keep doing what I was doing, getting onto me whenever I talked about throwing in the towel. He said my work was not done in the Keys, I was still needed. Like I could not see he loved for me to stir his readers into hateful froths, rabid frenzies. It drew more readers to the CT, it made his advertisers happier, caused them to want to stick around. All the while, Ed’s a shrewd one, I paid him to post my ravings. Unlike any of his other contributors, who got free rides for their ravings, I forked over US greenbacks. I forked over some greenbacks just last week.

 

Oh, I left out how it began with Deer Ed and me. Back in 2006, after I had been running against George Neugent for a while, after I was sending out daily ravings for a while to an expanding bulk email list, someone told me of the Coconut Telegraph and suggested I send my ravings there. So I talked around and found out how to go about it and how to reach Deer Ed, whom I did not know, and I started sending him my ravings. He started publishing them, and then he created a special Archive to store them. After the county commission race was over, and a large majority of voters had saved me from living hell by reelecting George Neugent, and I kept sending out ravings and Ed suggested I needed a website. I had no clue how to build a website, so he built it for me. Goodmorningkeywest.com, for by then I had relocated back to Key West. I paid Ed for that. After a while, I told him to start another website, goodmorningfloridakeys.com, which he did, and I paid him for that. By then, I was paying him to post teasers from my ravings to the Coconut Telegraph, with a link over to the entire missive at one of the websites. Sometimes there were two ravings on a given day, and he posted two links over.

 

That is a brief history of Deer Ed’s and my business relationship. We also are friends. I have been to Ed’s home quite a few times, which I don’t imagine many people using the Coconut Telegraph can say they have done. I might be the only person on the Coconut Telegraph who knows who From The Right is. He told Ed he would like to meet me. So Ed took us out for dinner on Big Pine Key. FTR’s wife came, too. We had a lovely evening. I agree with maybe half of what FTR posts to the CT. Half the time I think he is lost in a black Republican fog. As lost as any Democrat he criticizes. But he is a gentleman. He has class. He respects people. He is far nicer than I. Far more courteous than I. Far more forgiving than I. But then, he does not have THE EDITORIAL BOARD breathing down his back 24-7. He writes on what he wants to write on. I write on what I’m told to write on. FTR should thank his lucky stars he does not have THE EDITORIAL BOARD standing on his neck all the time. As should the Sloan haters on the CT. As should everyone. For if they did, they would be acutely aware of just how much they have sinned and the consequences thereof. They would give up going to church because they would realize sooner or later it was a waste of time in their case. They would pray to die and fear they were going to live. They would kill themselves, most likely.

 

Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they are missing. How can I run for mayor of Key West under the load I’m under? How can I even attend the County Planning Commission meeting today in Marathon, re Wisteria Island, under such a load? I cannot. The load is too great. It has to be lifted for me to do such things. Forgive me, Father, for I am out of gas. But thank you for the great music last night at Looe Key Tiki Bar. And thank you for the great joke Sancho Panza sent yesterday.

 

 

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?

 

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, ‘About 2 hours.’The guy left.A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?’

The barber looked around at the shop and said, ‘About 3 hours.’

The guy left.A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?

The barber looked around the shop and said, ‘About an hour and a half .

The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, ‘Hey, Bob, do me a favor , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.’A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, ‘So, where does he go when he leaves?’

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,

‘Your house!’