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Nature lover and activist amigo Jerry Weinstock, M.D., Psychiatry, of Key West, a generation above me, I’m 72, recently wrote to me about a very rough situation in Key West:
Sloan: We all have pent up feelings –sometimes intense hostile feelings bottled up===REPRESSED —I have always thought the Eimers tragedy had something to do with that element of our instinctual natures..
He (the victim ) got into the cross hairs of someones repressed hostility and once it spewed out –the rest –or some of the rest —in them(police) an outlet was triggered –and Eimers —got the result of conscious and unconscious wrath–bottled up and aged to a white hot intensity…. EVERYTHING IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN IT SEEMS—-that is what I deal with helped by a medical background. literary, philosophical , political it all comes into play—–Dostoevsky maybe had more to do with this case as far as insight than many other factors —(he and other creative insightful great authors..)—-my take —-this is a metaphorical case and will echo down the corridors of time and history.
—isn’t ISIS tribal and religious frenzy based on the core of deep instinctual human nature—-who would behead if that didn’t have heretical hatred—of an intense degree.—-sociology/ theology enters into this—as well.
Religion instead of understanding fosters antagonism— I will stick with atheism—freedom of thought.———have an illuminating day
[Here is a link to an article I published today at www.goodmorningkeywest.com about the Charles Eimers case: In memory of Charles Eimers, murdered by Key West police on Thanksgiving Day, 2013, because they thought he was homeless ]
I replied to Jerry:
Maybe God is an atheist? Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.
Sloan; Donna [Jerry’s wife also my dear friend] read this over my shoulder —should we put my answer as a letter to the editor —your decision also—- as it was sent to you. ??
GOD IS AN ATHEIST—OF COURSE WHICH OF THE THOUSANDS—OF MYTHS COULD THE DEITY SUPPORT—you hit he bulls eye again SLOAN
I hope you will collect our entire email exchange, starting with your “we all have pent up feelings” and streamline it into a story, such as, “I wrote to a friend, he replied, my wife and I amened with ” …
I for sure will use it in tomorrow’s post – it’s outrageous :-).
A couple of hours later, I wrote to Jerry:
Hmmm, a nap dream a bit ago left me feeling maybe I should be a bit more reverent, since I know for a fact that angels and God are no myth, even though I cannot prove it. Myths/religions get started somehow, and I do not ascribe it entirely to imagination or fantasy or hoping there is something beyond living and dying and that’s the end and the sum of it. I see God in all religions known to me, some of those religions more familiar to me than others. But there seems to be a bit of slippage, or a lot, depending on members of religions’ thinking and behavior. And there seems to be a bit, or a lot, of members of religions making God in their own image. I have said, and written, many times that claiming to be an atheist admits God’s existence, because if there was no God, the issue would not arise. Even so, I had fun in our discussion today. Talking about God with religious/Bible scholars/experts tends to be a bit tiresome for me. I just proved that again, in yet another round of correspondence with one. For all I know, that might be what the nap dream was about; not discussing such matters with him.
SLOAN: as I have maintained your dreams are very fertile,
and worthwhile and relevant. —- cheers Jerry
I replied today:
A dream before dawn today left it pretty clear that today I should publish this email correspondence between us, or else, seemed to be the tone. The correspondence with the local religious/Bible scholar/expert continued to be heaps of fun. I kept telling him that he and I are on two entirely different trajectories. He kept saying I am lost and in need of his help, and I am leading other people astray. I kept telling him to get his own website and preach whatever he thinks needs to be preached; I have all I can say grace over trying to stay in Jesus, Archangel Michael and Melchizedek’s good graces. And, I told him, they made it perfectly clear to me I am not to engage him, but I must be a glutton for misery sometimes responding to the email blasts he sends out. If he reads my post today, he will see your and my correspondence leads it off, proving whatever he wants it to prove.
In his last missive, he said he didn’t believe I had ever read the Gospels, even though I quote Jesus in the Gospels to him ongoing :-). The Puritan Presbyterian private high school I attended in Chattanooga, McCallie School, required all of its students to take a course in the Old Testament and a course in the New Testament, as part of the college prep curriculum. We had to attend chapel services twice a day during the week, once on Saturday and once on Sunday, and we had to attend church on Sunday. The founder of the school preached to us most days. He maintained that he was one of the “elect” and Nikita Kruschev was the Anti-Christ, and that, as we were a semi-military school and wore military-ish uniforms and drilled week days with M1s we knew how to field strip, we would be on the front line of defense in the coming Armageddon.
I lost count of the revivals the school and student groups and individual students led. And of how many times people, including me, got saved. Finally, I quit participating. I was fed up with the pomp and circumstance. Not that I ever stopped believing God existed, or Jesus was the son of God. I just got fed up with religion. Much later, I came to a different view of Jesus, which I express often in my writings. I read the Gospels and Acts quite a few times, with a different eye than before. I told the religious expert that he and I are both sons of God, and all people on this planet are children of God, and God loves us all the same, and when he leaves this life, he will see things differently, as, I suspect, will I and everyone else.
Meanwhile, here I am, in Key West, which pretends to be paradise :), conversing with a psychiatrist, which reminds me of my all-time favorite movie, again: “Man Facing Southeast”, about a psychiatrist and a fellow claiming to be a space man having themselves a really interesting adventure together …
SLOAN: 2 books I would recommend to you : “WHAT DO YOU CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK”, by Richard P. Feyman—not an ordinary person–beyond brilliant–the one closest to EINSTEIN in absolute intellect–a Physicist –absolutely essential to the success of the Manhattan Project—-I tried to get his lectures at CAL TECH —Amazon has them for $134 bucks–
I will still try—the most classic ever written—–Then THE MEANING OF HUMAN EXISTENCE—E>O. Wilson Professor emeritus–at Harvard (Pulitzer prize winner) wrote at least 40 books –most respected biologist on the planet—RAISED IN ALABAMA raised Baptist —–aged 92 —–DENOUNCES organized religiosity —-in a sophisticated —fierce way—arguments are unassailable !! these will enrich your life and get my message to you across.. Horribly busy day CHEERS, CHEERS Jerry
( take my advice ) –last message untill 3 AM ________________Jerry
Thanks, Jerry –
Years ago, the angels cured me of worrying about what other people think of me. It was a hell of a transition, especially regarding how my father thought about me. But I was gotten over it.
Kudos for the esteemed biologist raised Baptist in Alabama. My father and his father were Baptists. Not sure being in on the Manhattan project turned out so well for humanity. The angels told me Christianity is the Anti-Christ, because it claims Jesus as Lord, but does not live as he told people to live.
It appears the meaning of my existence is trying to stay in the good graces of Jesus, Archangel Michael and Magdalene-Melchizedek. All the rest might be glitter that is not gold, even though I still think I might like some of the glitter.
I will see how it goes in dreams re my reading the two books you recommended.
Those books –especially E.O. Wilson you might enjoy !!
I found myself wondering this afternoon if Feyman and Einstein ever expressed public remorse for their contribution to the creation and use of nuclear weapons?
So far, no dream indication I’m to read Wilson’s book. It’s easy to destroy Christian crusaders’ arguments simply by using the very words of Jesus in the Gospels re the correct way to live, but it’s impossible, in my experience, for them to hear what Jesus said in the Gospels re the correct way to live.
I found myself thinking earlier today that I think maybe I’m from a parallel universe where what I think and say is common fare, or I’m thinking and speaking in a foreign language, maybe Chinese or Mongolian, or Pleiadean :-). Yeah, maybe Pleiadean :-).
SLOAN: Richard Feynman went into a depressive state, as far I know that might have lasted a long time. Einstein tried to make up for it by many humanitarian writings, i presume trying to make up for that nuclear event; You know mabe Japan deserved it –there is that part to consider.
They probably tortured and killed more Chinese than Hiroshima, and TORTURED them—they killed our people as well. Truman made that decision not he scientists…. .
The Japanese kill everything including whales and porpoises—–maybe they need another one –they piss me off big time….
Your English is fine —what is bothering you so much
out with it… ?????????? kindly, Jerry
( i support you —-Sloan you do good stuff…really.!!!! )
Heh, heh, out with it???
For a very long time, Jerry, I have felt like I am talking to myself about most things. I say something to someone, or write it, and from the response it’s as if I didn’t say it. Or as if it was not believed. Or as if it was too horrible to believe, or even acknowledge. Maybe there is a label for my condition?
That aside, I agree; Truman made that call, and I read a few years ago in a national magazine featuring a handwritten excerpt from his personal diary, that he dropped the A-bombs to intimidate the Russians, not to win the war against the Japanese, who already were trying to surrender.
I agree, the Japanese have failed utterly to take care of the very thing on which they fully depend to exist: the ocean. As a nation, they have no soul in that regard. And, from what I have read, they were ruthless and vicious in China, and elsewhere. One of their submarines torpedoed an American hospital ship bearing the white flag and red cross carrying hundreds of wounded US troops, one of whom was the best childhood friend of my mother’s brother, who perished along with most of the people on that ship.
I have read the US backed Japan into a corner and the Japanese felt they had no choice but to attack Pearl Harbor. If the Japanese admiral had carried out the attack as planned, all of the US oil reserves in Hawaii would have been destroyed and it would have taken the US a lot longer to respond. The admiral, worried about his fleet, called off that follow up second attack and headed back to Japan.
I am now certain President Roosevelt knew in plenty time of the attack on Pearl Harbor and he did not alert Pearl, he wanted the attack to proceed, because he wanted the US to enter WW II. Not badly enough to leave his aircraft carriers at Pearl, to be sunk with the rest of the US warships there. He had the carriers out to sea, which was what was bothering the Japanese admiral, as I recall from what I read; he didn’t know where the US carriers were.
I always kinda liked Einstein. But I kinda wish he had not helped Truman build those bombs; I think I read where Einstein even encouraged Truman to build A-bombs. The fear, as I read, Germany was trying to get A-bombs. They had rockets and jets, which the US and the Allies did not have. I think it was in Finland that most of the A-bomb attempt was being made by Germany? I suppose we have the Russians to thank for that not panning out.
Meanwhile, my angel friends have me all gobbed up again with pleasant Birmingham toxic wastes. The older I get, the more convinced I become the mother ship dropped me on the wrong piece of land, and maybe on the wrong planet altogether. Maybe there were a lot of sun spots around that time which threw off the mother ship’s GPS :-).
Sloan: you have it correct as far as authentic history goes—..
-there are times when most sensitive people feel “alienated” —-that feeling is very normal–that is probably you.. ( many things in life go wrong and we are far from perfect—bears repeating)
When we built the bomb —the prelude was the first “atomic REACTION pile” under the bleachers in Stag field of the University of Chicago…We were under great time pressure —I have read personal accounts of that first “PILE”
apparently from what all I have read –and you might have also—we had no choice but to construct those first nuclear bombs—-our enemies were breathing down our backs —-we will never really know –we can just surmise.
—best wishes to you Sloan!–Jerry
( we might not have had a choice) The Japanese continue to be ruthless and sub-human…!!!–Jerry
My father was a navigator-bombardier on an Army Air Corps B-29 stationed on Guam. His B-29 squadron flew regular night missions to Japan. The two B-29’s which dropped the A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not in my father’s squadron. He never talked about his war experiences.
My mother told me it upset him too badly to talk about it. Later, she told me it had really bothered him that he was killing so many people he never saw. I imagine he was really glad the war ended, and I imagine the A-bombs really bothered him.
In my last dream this morning, a big goldfish is swimming beside porpoises. On waking, I figured you were the porpoises. My father’s company was named Golden Flake, it competed head-on against Frito-Lay. He had to be the big goldfish, and the dream told me to publish your and my most recent emails.
Sloan: dreams. even though they are disguised and contain symbolism, convey much meaning —some patients their dreams led to break throughs in insight and understanding. —try and capture the feelings and emotions you are having along with the dream; those feelings can add much to the experience –in understanding.—jot down on a piece of paper what you felt as it fades rapidly–repressed. —you should have a ball as you dream so fruitfully. ——-good luck –Jerry. ( just a few sparse word can accomplish –tweaking your recall,),,,Jerry ( I will bill you in the mail)) HA HA just kidding–you know.
Actually, most of my dreams last night were critical of me, I supposed because I mentioned the Pleiadeans again yesterday, was my take on waking. Jerry, I wager you never met anyone who dreams as I dream. It’s seldom fun, dreaming; mostly it’s an ordeal. That is something else I keep saying and writing; and, my dreams are being made by angels just for me, using themes and people and symbols which have meaning in the context of my life on this world, and my life with the angels. I remember from my dreams what I remember; I never get up and try to write them down, or keep a dream journal; it’s too much to attempt. Often several dreams go after the same issue, sort of like triangulating; and then there are dreams which are more clear, need no extra help. Then are dreams other people have about me, for me, which they share with me, and often are told in the dream to share with me. I suppose I publish this sort stuff on the off chance it might resonate with someone else who chances to read it. At the end of today’s post, still being put together, is what is called a “waking dream” – which happened in front of where I stay yesterday. The angels choreographed that, too. In a bigger scheme, the Charles Eimers case is a waking dream. WW II was a waking dream. The deeper meaning of waking dreams is just as real and fruitful, if gleaned, as the deeper meaning of sleeping dreams. Back to the salt mine :-).
P.S. As far as I know, I am the only person publishing the metaphysical perspectives found on my websites. Where do I send the bill for that? Not joking. I really would like to be able to do that.
The waking dream
My landlady asked me if I could help remove the big patches of weeds growing in the gutter crack between the street and the sidewalk in front of her home. I said, sure, but one really big weed bunch I could not remove; I already had tugged at it and I knew I would throw my back out trying to rip it up by the roots. I said I would get onto it after I finished publishing yesterday’s post at www.goodmorningkeywest.com. She said, okay. I asked if she had a shovel?. She said yes and fetched it. I asked if she had a hoe? She said no, but I went into her garden closet and found a long, heavy crowbar, which I said I could use to gouge out the weeds I could not get at with the shovel.
By the time I got around to it, she had gotten a good start on the smaller weeds, and was resting in her bedroom. I saw plenty more to do. It was a hot day. I figured I was going to wear out really fast and get the shakes and have to go lie down before I got very far. That’s what happened in the past when I tried to work in my yard on Little Torch Key. And, I was going to have to be really careful not to throw out my back. I was not looking forward to it.
Then, I saw two black men on bicycles stopped in the street, talking. I knew one of them was homeless, I’d seen him around a lot, but I did not recognize the other man. I asked if they wanted to make $2 dollars pulling up the one big bunch of weeds? I said I was afraid I would throw my back out doing it. All the men who lived here had bad backs, too, and the owner as well. The man I had not seen before said, sure, and he walked his bicycle over and parked it in the street next to the side walk and reached down with both hands and pulled the big weed bunch out by the roots easy as pie, it seemed to me.
Then, without me saying anything, he picked up the shovel and started in on all the other weeds. After about a minute of that, I said, well, if he was going to do that, I would pay him $10. He stopped, asked if I thought that was fair? I said, for half hour of that kind of work, I thought $10 was fair, although (I did not say) I did not think it would take him half hour.
I asked if he stayed nights at KOTS?, Key West’s overnight homeless shelter, where I knew the other fellow stayed nights. He said staying at KOTS was not good for his mental health. I said I had stayed at KOTS and had learned it was not good for my mental health, either. And I had slept in doorways, and on park benches and beaches and fishing piers all over Key West. He said, then we know what that’s all about. I said, yes, we know what that’s all about. He said he was born and raised in Key West, knows lots of people who let him stay inside.
After about 20 minutes, he had the front looking great, and I was following behind with with the recycling container picking up all the pulled weeds and putting them into the container, being very careful each time I leaned over to get more weeds not to throw out my back – that’s how precarious my back is.
He showed me one weed growing against a support post in the carport, which he said was a healing plant, a mint. Pour boiling water over it, make tea, it’s good for the eyes, as an eyewash. He picked a small piece off a leaf and gave it to me. I chewed it. It tasted sort of like mint, and indeed was a wild herb, not a weed. Bush medicine, island people call it. Mother Nature medicine. Natural medicine.
I handed him the $10 bill in my wallet, and he said he wasn’t going to take it. I asked why not? He said he wasn’t going to take it. I asked if $10 was not enough? He said it wasn’t about money. I asked if I had said or done something to upset him? No, he said. I said we made a deal, take the $10. He said he never made a deal. He was cleaning up what I had missed in the gutter and on the sidewalk and street.
I went inside and briefly told my landlady what was going on, and asked her to come outside and speak with the man. She did that, and she got nowhere with him, either. He said he did it because it needed doing, there was no charge. She said nobody works for free. I thought, didn’t say, I work for free all the time. He said we should do something for someone else, as he had done for us. I said I often had told people the same thing after I had helped them.
I told my landlady what he said about the wild mint, and showed it to her, she’s into healing and edible wild plants. She seemed smitten about that. I said this man was born and raised in Key West, has lots of friends who look after him. He said he has lots of family who looks after him. He got on his bicycle and left. I told my landlady that I still felt I had said or done something which had upset him. Perhaps I should have asked him when he had asked me if $10 was fair, what he thought was fair?
I said I had given hundreds of thousands of dollars to people in need; I told them it was not a loan, they were not to feel they had to repay me. And when they asked why?, I said, if they thought it was a loan, it always would be between them and me, and I didn’t want that. If they felt they had to pay it back, then help someone else in need.
My landlady said she felt there was something wrong with the man, mentally. I said I felt there was, too. But even so, he had important things to say. And he “just happened” to show up when I was about to try to get rid of all of those weeds, which I did not have the physical stamina to do, and I was worried about throwing out my back. I did not say I knew for a fact the angels had arranged it, when I needed to do some weeding but was unable to do it. Weeding not just in front of my landlady’s home; spirit weeding, too. And to improve my spirit-seeing a bit.
If feels like a rib might be out on the right side of my spine, or maybe a vertebrae is out there, behind my heart. That’s no accident, either, in view of what all is going on right now in Birmingham involving my father. The right side of the body is the male side. And given a lot of that has to do with my having discovered through my and two men friends’ dreams that I had an older half brother named Travis, whose father was my father, and whose mother was the daughter of the black servants in my father’s home, and when I asked my father about that in late 1999, all hell broke lose.
Maybe Travis sent that black man to help me. Travis has come to me in many dreams with help. Maybe Travis is trying to help the situation in Birmingham.
I’m going to take a break and put some water on the stove and make wild mint tea. Bush medicine.
Several dreams last night indicated today’s post needed to contain lots of 5 (female) energy, lots of 6 (Melchizedek) energy, and lots of 3 (Holy Spirit) energy. 2 (Jesus) energy also made a few appearances.
Sloan: another important epiphany; for most people dreams are an ordeal—if not horrifying —-your dreams are not too bad (I think)
Once in a while my patients had a wonderful dream–but rare.– like a melody that soothes —-( life –not so easy full of jolts)
take care –Jerry
Too bad most people don’t know how to use their sleeping dreams, and their waking dreams; it would change them and humanity. Their dreams are what is real, this out here is the confusion their dreams are trying to explain. My dreams, again I say it, are a bit different. I am like an ET spy receiving encrypted instructions from the mother ship, which I have to decypher and put to use. I had 2 dreams about the mother ship last night, but they were encrypted and I had to decypher them to know it was about the mother ship. My first novel, KUNDALINA, Alabama, was about a Pleiadean earth colony and the mother ship. The tale came to me after Jesus, Archangel Michael and Magdalene-Melchizedek had been tearing me up for a few years, changing the way I thought and perceived just about everything. Kundalina was perhaps a vacation for me, comic relief, when I was in the front end of what would turn out to be a 4-year dark night of the soul. The novel is long out of print, but I see it at online bookstores. I used a pen name, Jake Carruthers, why, can’t explain. Even the pen name was encrypted. The novel was a waking dream for me.
Jerry wrote re the November 25 , 2014 let those who can see, see, and other bush medicine – Key West organic pharmacy and beyond post at www.goodmorningkeywest.com:
SLOAN: religion, religion—holding up science, progress,
perpetuating myths and stiffing intellect-and—free thinking
creating myths that stifle—-how many creation myths are there
probably thousands ; creating discrimination, bigotry and
be-headings—-my take —-enjoy your afternoon and evening –Jerry.
your blogs are always interesting sometimes a bit long
In a nap dream today, Alabama was playing a football game against another team. Near the other team’s goal line, the Alabama quarterback threw a pass which was spiraling nose up, then righted itself like a guided missile and honed straight and true to an Alabama receiver in the other team’s end zone, surrounded by defenders from the other team. The Alabama receiver caught the ball for a touchdown. Then the dream repeated, and just as the perfect strike reached the receiver, he ducked his head and the ball bounced off the top of his helmet and back out onto the playing field in front of the end zone.
The dream ended. I awoke wondering what that was about? Was I the quarterback and the receiver, and the first pass was the let those who can see, see, and other bush medicine – Key West organic pharmacy and beyond article I posted this morning at www.goodmorningkeywest.com? And was the second pass not caught because I had not posted the bush medicine article at www.goodmorningbirmingham. com, and had not then sent it to my father’s lawyer, for him to pass along to my father’s widow, two other men who take care of my father’s affairs, and my sister? I had sent the lawyer the previous “one of many dispensable churches once again dispenses with tradition, manners and common nonsense, in favor of, hmmm…” article, and several articles before that, for him to pass on to the other people involved.
I went online and found your email, Jerry.
About half of the bush medicine article today at www.goodmorningkeywest.com is your and my emails. I eliminated two shorter items from the article, which were about the Charles Eimers murder in Key West, to shorten the article for www.goodmorningbirmingham.com. I wondered if you were the Alabama receiver who caught the first pass, which was about WW II and the Japanese? And you were the same Alabama receiver who then ducked his head and ball bounced off the top of his helmet, which was the the second pass about angels and my dreams?
One of the men who rents a room my landlady today told her and me that he really liked what Gandhi said: He thought Christianity was great, someone should try it.
I said that reminded me of a black man in Dallas, who was somewhat of a celebrity there. When interviewed on a radio talk show, he said going to church had about as much chance of making you a Christian as standing in your garage had of making you into an automobile.
I posted the shortened article at the Birmingham website, with this “post-script” between you and me at the bottom, and then I emailed the article to my father’s lawyer and asked him to pass it along to my father’ widow, the two other men and my sister. All five say they are Christians.
What do I know, maybe Jesus took over that black man yesterday and had him weed the gutter for free? What do I know, maybe the black man knew that was happening?
SLOAN: the first dream is most likely WISH FULFILLMENT the most common—–
theme of any dream that isn’t complex or horrific–it is the purpose of the mind
(while letting you sleep)—to camouflage—-symbolically -metaphorically –portray
one or several of life’s infinite number of problems for the purpose of either
working it out –or just displaying it with the avowed purpose of solution seeking.–
the dream can bring out something unconscious –that is troublesome –bring it
to awareness.–in a manner that can be interpreted –but in its naked substance —
not understandable consciously–what was your feelings on both dreams—-relief
sadness, disappointment, anger, rage or ambiguity —only you can know. the subtleties
nuances, —-dreams can be embarrassing and sexuality is not uncommon,—usually
of a socially non-acceptable, censorious subject matter.or wish—-this is a whole lesson
[ dreams –the unconscious is a vast realm–Dante’s province ]—-don’t sweat it –Jerry
Hi, Jerry – it was one dream, two perfect passes from the Alabama quarterback to the Alabama receiver, one pass was caught, the other pass the receiver ducked his helmet. I felt like an observer in the dream. The emotion was low. I knew on waking the dream was instructive for external dramas I was engaging. I know that about every dream I have. It’s been that way since 1988.
My father came to me in a dream before I ever wrote to his lawyer, and told me I had balked, and I would lose. I replied, if I lose, he loses. I awoke pissed off, because I knew he meant I had stalled writing to his lawyer about getting an advance of my inheritance, which was repugnant to me. I was fed up with being not being able to earn a living wage. I was fed up with people giving me money or having to die for me to get money to get by on. I was fed up with being my father’s messenger. It was time he was his own messenger; he had no problem coming to me in my dreams with messages and advice and even corrections; he certainly could do that with his lawyer and his widow.
Jerry, I doubt you will ever accept it, but this is my dream life I am describing, again, as if I am speaking Chinese, Mongolian or Pleiadean, and it is unintelligible to you, and perhaps to anyone else I know in the Florida Keys. I have known people, though, who would understand, and I do know one person now who understands pretty well what I tell her about my dreams. The younger woman, Brenda, I have been looking out for since 2005.
I am pretty sure the football dream was both about my having ducked posting today’s article to the Birmingham website, the second pass, and your and my discussion about WW II and Japan, which went well, the first pass, and your and my discussion about my dreams and angels, the second pass, which continues to be two ships passing in the night.
The dream also might be about the next previous article I posted at www.goodmorningkeywest.com, in which I publicly took my stepmother to task, the first pass; but I ducked publicly cataloging her most egregious anti-Jesus acts, with help from my father and his lawyer, the second pass.
All of which will become more clear in my sleep tonight.
It also occurred to me after last writing to you this evening, that when the black fellow asked me if $10 was fair for the weeding he was doing?, that might have meant, was what the angels, my father and his oldest son Travis are doing in Birmingham right now being fairly compensated? The black man, unawares, was their messenger to me.
Jerry, there are many people on this world who would have no problem nodding their heads over how I am telling these things. I was married to 4 women who would would have had no problem, if they read it today. I had friends who would have had no problem. It is, frankly, an entirely different paradigm, which encompasses the physical human world, and encircles it.
The irony is, the various Christian sects, and the Islamic sects, some Jewish sects, the New Age, various Pagan and Arcane sects, Buddhist and Hindu sects, and countless indigenous sects all know of and sometimes experience the enveloping realm. Yet they tend to twist it to suit themselves. I don’t get to do that. I am corrected ongoing by the angels, daily, nightly.
I found myself thinking after I last emailed you that the angels are merciless. They chose you to be my main correspondent in public view for quite a while. They chose you, because they really like you, and because you are a psychiatrist with a great deal of psychotherapy experience, and because you detest lies and deceit and injustice, and because you love Mother Nature and hate what humanity is doing to her.
You needed to be a seasoned psychiatrist, because a lot of people think I am insane. Imagine what it’s like for those people to read your and my email back and forths. Imagine also what it’s like for them, if they are Christians. I see no way they care for it. The angels are merciless.
But not merciless enough to suit me.
In just a little while, the angels could change how you perceive everything, Jerry. In just a little while, the angels could change how my father’s lawyer and his widow and the two men and my sister perceive everything. The angels could have changed how my father perceived everything before he passed over. The angels could change how humanity perceives everything. But then, perhaps if the angels did that, it would be merciless. Perhaps it would rob people of learning by experience, instead of having a miracle performed on them.
Something else is in play. I am engaged in spiritual warfare with demonic forces all the time. For that reason, my dreams have to explain to me what is really going on in what I am given to engage with human beings, for the demonic forces are always influencing what I am given to engage in human affairs. Just as much, I have to know how I am being influenced by demonic forces, which means I need a lot of corrections and advice how to engage the human events and my own ego and subconscious drives.
Some of the various religious sects mentioned above know this, some of the sects don’t know or deny it. The sects which do know it, however, are not, in the main, particularly able to deal with it. In all sects are people who are able to deal with it well enough, if they are very careful. Nor am I, on my own, able to deal with demonic forces. I need heaps of input and help.
There is tremendous Evil underneath that I’m engaging in Birmingham. I have engaged it before. Many times. I get really roughed up by it. I’m getting really roughed up now. I suppose that’s a big reason I did not want to write to the lawyer the first time, because I figured it was only the first step, the first email. And hell would soon follow. And it did soon follow.
I do, however, seem to have reached a level place inside of me, where I seem reasonably ready to be poor, have very little money, just barely enough to get by and not be homeless again. I was quite a while getting to that place, but I needed to do it, to enable me to be as impartial, clinical and dispassionate as possible engaging the Birmingham situation, and the ongoing local dramas down here. That’s how I need to engage any human drama the angels arrange for me to engage: level, detached, zen’d. But as you well know, with blood kin, or a wife, or a good friend, it’s harder and more stressful.
It’s a hell of a trip. Maybe I won’t have to come back here again. To this planet. As a human.
Jerry wrote today:
it would take me quite a while to process all of that material -(and it is too personal-I would be intrusive)
BUT it appears that you have “interpretive insights” that are
meaningful —keep associating to your own dreams –I think it is paying off
in your understanding of your own issues and conflicts and eventually
compromises and solutions. Keep working and thinking -YOU HAVE THE TOOLS !!!
( you also have help from your description ) don’t get discouraged—-Jerry
Morning, Jerry –
I intrude on myself, and in times past, nothing seems too personal regarding me, as far as the angels were concerned. I had a slew of dreams last night, after Brenda called me about a dream she’d had around 11 p.m. I could not make any sense of her dream, which did not specifically have me in it, until I’d had a few dreams, then I understood her dream indeed was about me, and, along with my own dreams thus far in the sleep time, I understood I was to leave alone, for now, a couple of things from my past regarding Birmingham, if I knew what was good for me. No dreams seemed to be about the football dream of yesterday. The rest of sleep time featured several dreams of my last wife, Patricia, who is my political muse in dreams. In the beginning of those dreams, I was very emotional re my deep love for and missing her. I really liked her, but the fates conspired against us, as did other things. In the dreams, she had a limp in her right leg. A limp in her gait would mean to Bible scholars that she had developed it by being turned every which a way but loose by angels of the Lord and now is close to God. The right side is the masculine side. The general theme in Patricia’s dreams was related to my father’s affairs and to Birmingham. The limp was to cause me later, after I was awake and fleshing all of Patricia’s dreams out, to give great credence to what all she had told me in the dreams. The details of what she told me probably need to remain untold, for now. Whatever is going on in Birmingham will play out. Another way of saying it, I learned long ago that predicting the future is a great way to hear God laugh.
Hmmmm—it would seem much unresolved feelings related to
Birmingham–relationships and events weigh on some levels of your mind.;
possibly some degree of guilt may be interspersed….you would know…?!?
(hoping to run to swim before it gets more miserable outside.)—Jerry
The thing I know of regarding guilt I feel big time is one of the things I don’t sense, from my dreams last night, I am to go into publicly, again. I aired it out plenty in the past. There is nothing I can do about it but endure the karma. Also, I wish I had been more attendant to my mother during her last illness. This stuff going on now, though, is, for all I see, regarding my father and his widow.
Just for yucks, I spent several hours yesterday, including 2 very long phone calls with technicians in the Philippines and India, getting my McAfee virus protection renewed and installed in my Hewlett-Packard Notebook PC, so far, the best laptop I ever had and used. I think I’ve had 6 of them. 4 died, the 5th I still have, it’s battery died really fast and I have not gotten that taken care of. I only use it when the Hewlett-Packard needs service, which is rare.
Some of the letters on its keyboard are gone, worn off my massive use. Good thing I touch type. My father told me to take a typing course in high school, he said it would come in handy later. Later, maybe there were times when he wished I had not taken the course. I imagine other people wish that, too :-).
Anyway, I learned yesterday that my McAfee virus protection expired this past June, which I thought was not possible, because I renewed it last fall. But then, I had noticed it wasn’t seeming always to act up to snuff, even though it kept saying, when I checked, that it was active and I was fully protected.
So, after the long ordeal yesterday, I ran a full virus scan with the new McAfee program, which took several hours. I figured the Hewlett-Packard was loaded with unfriendies, given how many photos I copy and download from the Internet, and how many articles I open and read there. But the full scan reported zero unfriendlies. I hesitate to call it a miracle, but I can’t think of anything else to call it :-).
Sloan: Just got in from swimming ; ( don’t forget guilt is insidious.)
i need some calories —-and music –listen to some of gentle
Rachmaninoff and play briefly some Gershwin preludes..
a nap and some writing —–non-fiction is horrendously taxing..
I did read your text—the remark about guilt —you have more than you
might think…my virus I let an expert come in and take care of all of that;
My technician takes care of cleaning my computer and repairing whatever
needs it..( Donna had him in first grade 30 years ago–she is a mother to him
his biological mom deserted..) holiday time descending —try and ease up ! …
good wishes ——–Jerry
Hi, Jerry –
Sure, I feel guilty about being a lousy father to my daughters when they were young, and about being a lousy husband to seven wives and a lousy boyfriend to several girlfriends, and about not being able to make a living wage, and about lots of times when I was dishonest, and about lots of times when I was a coward, and about lots of times when I held quiet when I should have spoken, and about losing so much money on that land and trailer on Little Torch Key, and I suppose more will come to me.
Not sure where you are headed with the guilt thing, maybe I will have a dream about it. For a fact, the angels tried and convicted and jailed me for many offenses against against other people and God, and I’ve been serving what seems to be a life sentence for a lot longer longer than when the angels made their debut in my life in early 1987 :-).
I’m going to say this next thing in Chinese.
The angels own me. The only way I can ease up is if they ease up on me or I stop breathing. I see no indication they have easing up on me on their agenda. I hope I am mistaken :-).
I am pretty sure the angels view the way they treat me as having me swim for exercise, and sometimes for enjoyment, in water of various depths, tones and quality. Similar to using me and what they have me publish as their bait shrimp :-).
Dang, I wish everyone I know could get just one day of what I get dished to me by the angels. No, a steady daily diet of it. God only knows how much they would pay me to try to persuade the angels to leave them alone. Move over Bill Gates :-).
Sloan: just being honest, candid, about what bothers you is
a good step toward diminishing noxious feelings.
going toward more enjoyment from life—less imprisonment
by guilt—-going toward freedom.
Sorry have to go toa mandatory Birthday party–Donna is yelling
at me to hurry———–Cheers –Jerry
Honesty is good. It’s gotten me into lots of trouble; even got me locked up in a psychiatric ward in a private hospital, the only escape from which was to be transferred to a nearby state mental hospital. Part of my field residency in psychiatry :-). The escape from there was another story.
My residual feelings toward myself about that experience are I was an idiot. Not for saying what I said, which got me locked up, but for being where I was when I said it. I should have been somewhere else, specifically, leaving a marriage that was not working, and moving to Big Pine Key. In 1997.
Once upon a time, a close friend, who was getting really roughed up by the angels, was moved by them to write a “letter of introduction” for me, “to whomever it might concern.” He wrote that he believed I was constitutionally incapable of not telling the truth. He had learned that from many personal dealings with me. My father learned it, too. As did his widow. And their lawyer.
I’m still wondering if I will dream about guilt tonight? Guilt isn’t something I spend a lot of time fretting over. Maybe I’m in denial; if so, it will be dealt with by the angels. Meanwhile, I am fretting over a few things.
I ain’t big on parties, especially in my own home, where I cannot leave when I am ready to be done with it. I hope the birthday party went okay for you.
SLOAN: the party —turned out —better ; there was a lot of good
feeling—-it was inter racial–incidentally—which we like.
honesty with oneself –is not easy–(-socially and or in the
interpersonal dimension –DISCRETION is the criteria–)
non-discretion leads to all sorts of bad stuff–endless repercussions..
SLOAN — have a satisfying Thanksgiving day—-Jerry
Morning, Jerry –
Agreed re discretion; my experience, denial, cowardice, political correctness, wanting to be liked, often replace discretion; wisdom loses out, truth loses out, love loses out. No dreams last night about guilt or my laptop, which is the angels’ way of telling me those issues not in play for me at this time. Looks like the Charles Eimers case is in play today, the 1st anniversary of his murder by KWPD. I suppose our discussion also is in play, since it’s happening. What got me locked up was telling a nurse I did not know was Nurse Rached of when the angels first appeared and spoke to me, and she told Psychiatrist Rached what I had told her, and that was my introduction to One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest not in a movie theater :-).